This Is Not a Love Story

So, We Both Want to Propose...

We're lesbians. Hell, we're lesbians in Oklahoma. We can't exactly have a traditional wedding, not here anyway. So why the big deal with the whole proposal business? Well, despite our orientation, we're both pretty much traditional girls.

That being said, we both had it in our minds that we'd be the ones to propose. This did not bode well with either of us...because, well, we both wanted to be the one on bended knee. It may seem silly to some, but you know what? It's not silly to us.

Our entire relationship has been built on compromise--give and take, in equal measures. She helped me when I was fresh out of college and pounding the pavement--hard. (Honestly, she kept me from losing my mind!)

I did the same for her after she quit her job when we decided to move in together, in my hometown (which conveniently happens to be where our college is located). 

she calls me...

she rides in
not on a big white horse
or even a small brown one
but a mercury sable,
and in need of an oil change...

she calls me
every day,
sometimes twice

she calls me baby
which is kind of nice
(oh god i'm rhyming...)

she knows what to say
to calm me down,
to make me smile,
to turn me on.
she calls me baby;
i call her my dike in shining armor.

by The Gerbil
April 2010

Meeting In The Middle

You might be wondering what all that has to do with proposing. For us, it's everything. See, I'm a bull-headed, take-charge kind of girl. Always have been. (Read: I always get my way. Always.) Normally this isn't an issue, but Miss T is the EXACT SAME WAY, except she's slightly nicer about it. Naturally, we butt heads from time to time, but we always find a way to work it out.

That's how it started.

One night, after a...ahem, "discussion" regarding who should propose, when, and exactly why each of us felt the way we do on the subject (She wanted to wait and let "it" happen naturally; I wanted to have already proposed myself...months ago...) I had an idea. A brilliant idea. (Shh, it's my story!)

See, I had bought her this's perfect, really. It is, design-wise, very similar to her father's wedding band. (If you don't know us IRL, her father passed away after his 8-month fight with Leukemia in 2006, and they were very close.) It's just a little more...modern. Here, this is what it looks like:
It was pure luck that I even found it--honestly, I wasn't even looking. Anyway, when it came in, I could barely keep myself from squeeing around the room in my office chair. I knew she'd love it.

Did I mention yet that I'm incredibly impatient? Well, I am. I intended to wait for our next anniversary...or some other "special" occasion to roll around, and then offer it to her--if not as a proposal, then as a sort of "promise" ring.

I couldn't contain myself. I gave it to her the same night I got it. Of course, I knew I couldn't "propose"--it wasn't allowed, not yet. (We really hadn't been together very long would have been a bit awkward.) Instead, I gave it to her, un-romantically, in the driveway. To my amazement, she put it on her left ring-finger that day and hasn't taken it off since.

Well, sort of.

We don't wear the same size ring. Generally speaking, her rings are about a size bigger than mine. Her class ring, for example, fits her ring finger, whereas it slips off mine--but fits my middle digit fine.

(Hang on, I'm getting there. Sheesh, the impatience.)

The ring I gave her, however, fits us both. Perfectly. I know this because...well, I periodically steal--er, gently remove--the ring and wear it myself. She usually doesn't let me get away with this for very long, but I like it.

During our little "discussion," it occured to me. (Bear with me. It gets a little Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Pants-meets-sappy-lesbian-movie right here.) With all our compromise--why could we BOTH not propose? Obviously it would ruin the surprise element if we planned to do it on the same day--but given our history, we could pull it off. I knew we could.

So I proposed my idea to her. Why not use the ring--that mysteriously fits us both, reminds us of her father's band, and has already become part of our lives--and simply propose to each other as many times as we want? As I suspected, she loved the idea.

The rules are simple and few:
1. Whomever has the ring is the only one who can propose. (My little stealing bouts don't count.)
2. Proposals can be made whenever and wherever the ring-holder chooses.
3. She goes first. (Really it's only fair. She is, after all, the original ring-holder.) (See above link. Oops.)

And that brings us to the present: She has the ring. And I'm waiting.